you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
