I am puke
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
