Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
