im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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