Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
