Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
