You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
