and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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