I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
