Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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