This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
