i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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