he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
