I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
my poor anus
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
