either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
