I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
