: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
