You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
