How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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