theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
