who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
