Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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