If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
