is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
