Apparently you make a good broom.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
