Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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