i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
