I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
