I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
