So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
