yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
