like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
