i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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