woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
