Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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