My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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