I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
