It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
