Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
