my vag is so smooth its legendary
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
