Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh god the rape fog is back!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
