im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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