whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
