I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
