hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
