I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
