I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
