Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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