If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
