The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
