I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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